


Nords: The worst sailors in history

by Martijndebakker



Category: Elder Scrolls, Elder Scrolls Online, Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-29
Updated: 2021-01-29
Packaged: 2021-03-15 10:07:02
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 457
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29062554
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Martijndebakker/pseuds/Martijndebakker
Kudos: 2





	Nords: The worst sailors in history

Every altmer knows about the glorious Summerset Navy. It is, after all, the greatest navy of all time, despite what the imperials claim. This book however, is not about the manifold victories of the altmer, but about the worst fleet that ever left Summerset.

A long time ago Summerset housed many vile, lesser creatures. Sload, Moarmer, goblins and a creature slimier, viler and more dimwitted than all others; men.

Nords come from a place called Altmora. They claim that Altmora is an island north of Tamriel. This is because they have no sense of direction.

Nords actually came from the woods of Summerset. When civilization arose near the woods, the Nords attacked during the night, because Nords are allergic to perfume, fine music and jealous of our clothing, as they only know how to wear animal pelts. They ravaged the town of Ald Mora and rampaged through the land towards the coast, because Nords are attracted to the sound of war, and a war with the Moarmer was raging. The Nords were of course no match for Aldmer soldiers, and were driven away. They took a Moarmer vessel and set course to Tamriel.

Because Nords are the worst sailors of history, they completely missed Tamriel and sailed around the entire continent, landing in Skyrim. There they were able to fornicate and flourish, because there were no elves like the rest of Tamriel. If there were, the Nords would've been enslaved like the rest of men alive when lesser races did not rule Tamriel.

The archaeological evidence is everywhere. The Ruins of Ald Mora on Summerset are still visited by travelers today. The Nords say that Altmora is green, but the further you go north, the colder it becomes. If the north of Skyrim is completely frozen, the supposed location of the Nord homeland would no doubt be frozen completely as well. Why do Nords call Ald Mora Altmora? That is because Nords can't read or write, they are too dumb for that. Archaeological evidence to back up this claim is not needed, because they still can't read or write.

But there's more. The ancient king Ysgramor who lead the Nords leaving Summerset had a wine sac made out of Sload leather. Sload are found in only a few places. The first location they could've gotten Sload leather from is Summerset herself. The only other location is Thrass, which lies en route from Summerset to Skyrim.

If I still have not convinced you that Nords are the worst sailors in history, then I urge you, reader, to check your bloodline for any impurities. Time does not heal a defiled bloodline, and even a single drop of men blood running through your veins can cause drastic errors in judgement.


End file.
